Extended, severe, and suffering are three words that you’ll find in most definitions of the word agony. It would seem crazy for a person to be in agony if they are not personally the cause. Except, when we love, care about or nurture, and genuinely make it our responsibility to be there for others, we can also tend to take on their pain or the pain they inflict, whether it be physical or emotional. Some people will stay with that pain for a long time, simply because of their feelings for the person causing the pain. And some will not be as eager to hold onto that negative emotion or relationship because they just aren’t “built” for that and can get up and leave.
When a person is displaying negative behaviors, in a relationship or in general, people nearby are affected. If the person’s behavior is a “symptom” of their addiction, it is not likely the easiest thing to deal with. Countless times I’ve had to support a person through a treatment period and ended up spending a majority of the time dealing with or supporting the broken-hearted loved ones. Those hurt loved ones seem self-centered at first glance and once you get past that judgement period, you realize they feel backed into corners and don’t know which way to go to get out. And it’s not clear they want out, but they are looking for a solution. They want to change what’s been going on. But when they realize they cannot change the addict loved one, they lose hope without support and encouragement.
That’s the part that always tugs at my heart strings. Watching the pain and suffering of a person who loves an addict and just wants them to get better, last foe years and years. It’s not their fault at first; they didn’t know what was coming. Boy, dealing with an addict who just wants their “thing” is the most painful experience that truly let’s you know that you are not in control. When you’ve had enough, and it doesn’t stop, you can’t figure out quickly enough, “why is this like this?”
It becomes more agony filled when you are looking at the addict, their support or loved ones, and their cycle that isn’t changing because people don’t know, what they don’t know. They don’t have to let the addiction cause them as much pain as it does for the addict. It’s a matter of realizing how to let go of the reins. You don’t owe yourself to sit and suffer through, and there’s no need with all of the help that is available. If you are a person dealing with an addict and their addiction, work toward getting help for yourself and then maybe your courage and strength will rub off. There has been known to be such a thing as “too late.”
Dimensions of Addictions 